#why do doctors hate me
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Let's start a "here's what my abuser did to make it look like I don't have symptoms." I'll start.
I would be in my room having meltdowns, feeling completely unsafe because my house was not a safe place (wowee, my intuition was correct!) and my mom didn't like that I was self-harming and journaling so she made me start having to report all my symptoms (ie FLASHBACKS) to her...just so she could dismiss them and deny that they ever happened. Oh, and now I talk my way through flashbacks because I've learned that they're conversation pieces so doctors don't believe my autism or PTSD diagnosis and often tell me I'm making things up (and/or make my medical records make me look like a liar by straight up misdocumenting what I said or just not documenting my symptoms, OR when I'm not having symptoms they choose that moment to test me and clear me despite me telling them I'm not having symptoms).
Not being believed is a trigger, you fucks.
#i deserve validation#fuck you ptsd#c ptsd#complex ptsd#ptsd#ptsd recovery#actually ptsd#tw ptsd#complex post traumatic stress disorder#post traumatic stress disorder#vent post#why do doctors hate me#borderline personality disorder#actually bpd#borderline problems#bpd problems#being borderline#actually borderline#bpd#bpdprobs#actuallymentallyill#bpd feels#actually chronically ill#chronic health issues#chronically ill#chronic illness#chronic pain#chronic fatigue#chronically sick#chronically disabled
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I smashed my finger in a car door a few weeks ago and it was pretty bad so I had to go to urgent care, and I checked on my doctors notes and THIS is what she had to say about my past history/problem list😭
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Control freak (Clara) gets their grubby hands on a freak (the doctor) to control
#Clara oswald#I hate them (they're my favs)#what you dislike is what mesmerises me#the doctor#12th doctor#clara oswin oswald#i really want clara back#clara x twelve#whouffaldi#like come on theyre not normal at all. their grief begins from the moment they meet and it never ends why would you love their tragedy#god forbid women do anything
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#a doodley#had such a horrible time trying to draw tonight how do i draw (faces) nearly every day and i still dont get it.#realized rn that ive forgotten how to draw like tops/backs of heads but i look at art from months ago and see that i never actually knew#i want to be more loose with my stuff but then it comes out looking Bad Bad instead of good bad#i dont get it and it never sticks and im so ashamed.....!#im so ashamed.... there's ppl making masterpieces in between studying to become doctors and im here#with all the free time in the world. from birth to present. and it's never gotten any better. despite any of it#everything i learn just turns to dust in time and idk how i want my art to look and i hate that it looks like me and has too much Me.#that's why it sucks i bet#im going to bed before i tear my hair out over not being able to draw#it's deteriorated so much more over the years bc now i overthink every little detail. how do i let go. AND make it look good.
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Thinkin' about how good Sam Jones is in Doctor Who: Vampire Science and how great it would be if we got another baby bisexual political activist companion learning praxis from silly immortal anarchist.
I loooove Sam trying to be cool in the lesbian bar, she's such a DORK.
#Doctor Who#Eighth Doctor Adventures#Sam Jones#I refuse to read any other EDAs until someone gives me a list of the ones where Sam Jones is written well#why do people hate her#she's just like me as a baby leftie frfr#8th doctor#best doctor
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Overhated Female Character x Underused Female Character [Patreon | Commissions]
#If I see any Pulaski hate on this post I'm gonna lose it#Selar#Pulaski#Doctor Selar#Doctor Pulaski#been watching tng and I really don't know why people hate pulaski so much#just watched an episode where she was like 'I hate this dude...Data!!! Kick his ass in space 3d chess!!!' and I laughed#unless there's an episode I haven't gotten to yet where she like sends Data to the electric chair I do nooot understand#but I mean people wanted T'Pring dead for not wanting to marry Spock so you know#to me Pulaski is much more interesting than Beverely - she has a certain energy to her that I like#watched an episode the other day where she fought tooth & nail to do something dangerous and when it turned out she was wrong she accepted#it and was like 'ok. I guess I'm dying now. I knew the risks v_v' and I liked her right away (first episode I saw her in)#anyway yuri between two women who never interact in canon save me#tng#star trek tng
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I started asking my ex pcp (derogatory) “Are you unable to do [insert testing/referrals that would maybe help get me closer to a stronger treatment/recovery plan], or is it your personal preference to not initiate these options?” And applying it to other doctors/medical workers and
It gets them to shut the fuck up and do their job real quick, because they don’t want the problems of me going to the Daddy Admin, and bitching about their blatant refusal to help me.
Anyway I’m getting more labs to check my levels 😛
#personal#also her mOTHER—#tw medical neglect#I hope they label me as difficult#I want you to hate me#why can’t they just admit they don’t want to do it#it isn’t that hard— they have to click a few buttons and boom: the referral is there#I do not like doctors very much!#disabled#cripple punk#chronic pain#chronic illness#ehlers danlos syndrome#arthritis#scoliosis#chronically ill#gi issues
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Apparently The Terror producer David Kajganich stated in an Q&A what jobs he thinks the characters would have if they lived in the modern day, and I just…
These are all so fucking funny. Love that one of the show’s producers seemingly has peak Terror brainrot
#personal#amc the terror#the terror#extremely cursed terror posting#also#Franklin- yes 100%. tho I could also see like. mid level office manager who really wants to be your friend#just a real Michael Scott#crozier- yup. fitzjames- yup.#hickey- for sure. silna- absolutely#goodsir- yes. tho I could also just see straight up doctor. like… a pediatric surgeon#little- why do we have to be so mean to this already very sad man????#hodgson- cursed. so cursed. I HATE it#Irving- yup. blankey- ugh. perfect yes. collins- yes please give this man a break#jopson- YES. oh this made me emotional#hartnell- …there something you wanna tell the class david k?#bridgens- yes. but wheres peglar#tozer- god please don’t make him a cop. please. firefighter works great. gym teacher… I feel like he’s hate children#lady jane- yup. sofia- …honestly yea. I see it
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Gyjo in the fandom
cw: light discussion of ableism
Gyjo… what am I thinking about gyjo…
I like them. I like them a lot, actually. They have paralleled narrative arcs, they complement each other nicely, the romantic subtext is incredibly obvious to the point that even the most homophobic fan you know will admit they understand why people ship it… so why do I also have a problem with it?
There’s a lot of good fanart. Hell, I’ve reblogged plenty. Maybe it’s just something that’s more pronounced in fic.
I’m trying to word this correctly. My issue with gyjo has nothing to do with the text itself. I think my problem is just how people portray it in the fandom.
Maybe it’s because it’s so popular, or maybe it’s the sheer prominence of applying ‘Character A’ and ‘Character B’ dynamics without considerable regard for the characters involved, but I feel gyjo is very prone to flanderization. I believe the intersection with how ableist people are toward Johnny (intentionally or not, subtly or not) and the old tropes these two get shoved into makes it so I have trouble enjoying fics in the fandom.
I’m not saying it’s bad to enjoy certain tropes. I’m not saying headcanons are bad either. What I am saying is that writing is hard, but if you���re going to write fanfiction please have consideration for the characters you’re writing. The arcs of these two are complex and multilayered, which is why I think they have such staying power, but I also think they also provide a good opportunity for us as writers and artists to examine our biases when it comes to the portrayal of certain groups, personality types, mental illnesses, queerness, disability, etc. and maybe come out better people for it.
#gyjo#steel ball run#sbr#jjba#very rough idea of my thoughts concerning their portrayal in the fandom#imo there’s weird implications in any situation where gyro is written as johnny’s doctor or some such since it presents many power issues#again: what I am Not saying is that you can’t have a medical kink or whatever it may be#it’s just that#there’s a prevalence of ableist presentations of Johnny in so many ways but for me it’s especially bad in gyjo fic for whatever reason#perhaps it’s people continuing to write heterocized power tropes for a gay couple#on top of an already complicated presentation of disability and mental illness in the form of Johnny#(thanks Araki)#and to be honest gyro is not treated much better. he’s usually very ooc. I think its probably due to just how much he changes that#people could just find it easier to pick a certain aspect of his personality and make that the whole thing#but I just don’t enjoy the gyjo that’s in the ao3 tag. and I want to emphasize there *is* good stuff by people who do treat these topics#with respect#but it’s not the norm which makes it just not enjoyable to check out the tag#at least to me#vent post#kind of#my posts#gyro Zeppeli#Johnny Joestar#ugh I don’t even know why I’m writing all this#to reiterate this is me talking. on my blog. please don’t hate spam or w/e
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headcanon that scorpius was a sick child and was in and out of hospital constantly, perhaps related to astoria's blood curse but not directly. his immune system isnt very strong, and everytime he gets sick they're terrified that it's the blood curse but also whatever else it could be, because it's always so sudden and so intense and they call healers over to the house who recommend this delirious feverish 4 year old is hospitalised immediately, and you'd think it'd get easier to some extent because they'd be used to it, but everytime they feel like this is it, this is the time he'll walk in to the hospital and not walk out again
#this headcanon has no purpose im just thinking of scorpius in bed like a sickly victorian child with scarlet fever or something#asking if he'll make it to sunrise lmfao#so then he hates hospitals with a passion#my friend from school was in them constantly he was even a make a wish kid and he can not fucking stand the places so#headcanon scorpius becomes a healer anyway lmao#im sick and this is how im coping by putting baby scorp in hospital lmfao#it just made draco that little bit more protective#lucius made an insensitive comment about it once and draco was ready to throw hands#this headcanon doesnt really go anywhere ive just decided scorpius was a sick child#he has sick child energy lmfao#he still knows some of his doctors/healers because he was there so frequently#just imaging lil scorp in a hospital bed and draco and astoria are sleeping in the room on like uncomfortable chairs and the fever finally#breaks and hes like uh daddy im hungry and its like 4am but draco couldnt care less cause scorp hasnt been able to eat anything for days#let alone ask for food directly and baby scorp is wondering why his parents are acting so damn weird just cause he asked for some toast#but once hes grown up whenever he gets sick its on such a lower level than what it used to be when he was a kid because his immune system#got better that he struggles to gauge when other people would usually stop trying to do daily activities and albus has to start wrestling#scorpius back to bed instead of going to class cause scorpius really youre practically dying and hes like pfff you wanna see dying? use tha#timeturner one more time and go back to see me at literally any point between 2 and 10 i am FINE#(he absolutely was not fine)#scorpius malfoy#albus potter#draco malfoy#hpcc#scorbus#this is so many tags im so sorry
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not to be like “ugh aos crew” again but ugh aos crew again spock really got accepted into the most prestigious university on vulcan and was like “haha fuck you <3″ bc they insulted the fact that he’s mixed-race jim banged his forehead in the shuttle within the first 30 seconds he was on board leonard was hiding in the bathroom of said shuttle because he hates flying sulu couldn’t get the ship to warp for the first 3 minutes of his first-ever flight on the enterprise uhura is mostly okay still except she’s also got a thing going with her former professor so maybe that raises some eyebrows (ha) scotty is literally in a butt-fuck middle of nowhere outpost on a death ice planet chekov is. seventeen. i don’t really have much more to add to that except guys your ensign is seventeen years old
#caroline talks#star trek#THEY'RE ALL SO. in their own varying levels. unhinged#me: ah yes. the best of the best. starfleet's best and brightest#[immediately cuts to spock being a sassy little bitch + leonard swearing up and down the ship + jim running around#because his hands have SWELLED TO THE SIZE OF BALLOONS BECAUSE OF A CERTAIN DOCTOR + sulu looking like he wants to die#because spock was said sassy bitch + scotty just being like 'do u know what i've been eating. it sucks'#+ uhura being mostly fine except girlie i know spock's attractive and i know u are both adults but GIRL + chekov just cheerfully going#'seventeen sir :)' and leonard going 'OH GOOD HE'S SEVENTEEN']#they are so. like.#frankly for all the hate that the reboot movies get i fuckign adore them bc it's like 'you know what. they're all like. young.#they can be stupid.'#like. some of them are in their twenties. do u know what that does to a person#jim kirk is in his twenties and that's the only reason why i'm like ' .. . . . . listen he might be a little bit chaotic but i love him'
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i think i could heal if people were more crazy about spydoc. btw
#guys u dont understanddd ☹️☹️☹️#they are so tragic#spy is like a fucking psychopath right (i can say that i have psychosis 😊)#and thirteen is too but she tries to push it away#spy reminds thirteen of everything she wants to forget#they bring up all this shit right?#but its also.#the way she treats him#its this thoschei thing but ESPECIALLY THEM#‘oh u think ur good? im going to get under ur skin until you realize how horribke u really are’#thats the plan but it doesnt work#she just goes further into their toxicity#i love theta sigma. theyre such a horrible person (meeee)#spydoc symbolizes this huge thing cause like.#they had been traveling with the fam for awhile right? usually the doctor doesnt have that many companions (which is an entire other#conversation)#everything was calm. it was GOOD#‘you think u can escape me. darling i will always come back when u hate it most’#spy wants to crawl under thetas skin until their souls are merged into one#which is why she killed her#tried.#koschei will forever try but the fact of the matter is#they WANT theta to survive#it would be no fun otherwise#and theta wants koschei to survive. ofc they do#(ie: tensimm)#u love him and u hate it. u love him and u hate yourself for it. u love him and he is always going to be the reason u die#ahauahh#anyway pls talk about spydoc. pretty pls and ty#spydoc
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was reading a text for a class and started to cry bc I remembered Missy’s face and soft voice when she said “Me too” in The Doctor falls
#😭😭#posting this made me start to cry again#im in my missing Missy hours#should I study or should I watch s10 again ?#haha joke#or not…#COME BACK TO ME MY BEAUTIFUL WOMAN#doctor who#dr who#dw#the doctor falls#missy!master#missy dw#missy doctor who#gomez master#the master#THE WORST PART IS THAT THE TEXT WAS ABOUT ARISTOTLE#NOTHING TO DO WITH MISSY#AT ALL#WHY DOES MY BRAIN HATE ME LIKE THAT
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HOW am i supposed to just go on with my life knowing there are only 13 episodes of christopher eccleston's doctor
#i hate all of you that made me watch s1#i hate this fucking show and its inherent tragedy#why do i do this to myself#and tomorrow is MONDAY#doctor who#doctor who season 1#ninth doctor#rose tyler#the doctor
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today in insane anti-intellectualism: I just saw a post about how aspiring healthcare practitioners shouldn't take classes in biology and chemistry because those subjects are useless and bad. ????
#the op was like “they should have to study literature and the human condition like ME”#and it's like. hmmmm. I can understand where you're coming from here buddy but maybe think for a hot second#about why aspiring doctors have to take biology 101 before they can jump right into microbial genetics and viral pathogenesis or whatever#like. these classes build on each other. you absolutely need a basic understanding of college-level bio and chem before you can do anything#as someone who is very passionate about both science and writing#(I am getting a degree in microbiology and medical HUMANITIES. because I LIKE HUMANITIES)#I hate the rhetoric that certain STEM subjects are lame boring loser classes for closed-minded idiots who can't see the beauty in the world#there is so much beauty in biology and chemistry and physics! the universe is so big and weird and fascinating#but you'll never see that if you have the mentality that YOUR favorite subjects are the Only Ones That Matter Ever#for the record (as someone who's taken a lot of STEM and humanities classes recently) both STEM and humanities majors do this#and it's obnoxious no matter where it's coming from
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WTFFF I thought thirteen would be my new girl crush love of my life heart eyes wife you-came-after-twelve-you-must-be-better-than-they're-all-saying bbygirl and then I had to sit down and watch as she told a man who (if he were not a murderer, of course) literally every regeneration before her would've LOVED and FULLY SUPPORTED that "the systems aren't the problem. how people use and exploit the system, that's the problem. people like you" </33333 !?!?
#WHERE IS THAT POST THAT SAID NINE WOULD KILL THIRTEEN FOR BEING A CLASS TRAITOR#WHY WOULD YOU SAY “ERODE PEOPLE'S TRUST IN AUTOMATION” ALL WORRIED AND CONCERNED LIKE THAT???#WHEN DID YOU START LIKING AUTOMATION OVER PEOPLE THINKING AND DOING THINGS FOR THEMSELVES???#AND WHY ARE YOU TRAVELING WITH A COPPER??? WE HATE COPPERS??????#did we FORGET into the dalek?? how about how he treated danny?? god there's so much more I can't even remember off the top of my head#(I understand soldiers are different from cops but c'mon don't even PRETEND twelve would've been any nicer if blue or danny were just COPS)#also a bit off topic bUT MAY I JUST TALK ABOUT ARACHNIDS IN THE UK FOR HALF A GODAMNED SECOND—#I know the companions are usually the ones to do the doctor's dirty work here but like#I just can't see the other doctors NOT having the business man lure the spider for being so fuckin annoying about it#like I was genuinely surprised when they had him do that whole song and dance about not doing it and then he actually just. didn't do it#the doctor LOVES fucking with evil rich business men this is PERFECT. plus why not get back at him for being awful to their companions?#absolutely gobsmacked thirteen let him act like that. I am wrong in thinking that the others would've shut his shit down a LOT quicker??#anyways. I love jodie whittaker and it's just so upsetting to have her doctor do something so wildly off#THIRTEEN PLEASE I HAD SUCH FAITH IN YOUUU I WAS IGNORING THE HATERS AND FOR WHAT#I can SEE the other doctors in her still I can FEEL them they're there she's doing an AMAZING job but. oh my god. what did they make her do#I can't even say she feels ooc as a whole because jodie is bloody brilliant. it's just these... moments. that don't make ANY sense to me...#especially coming off of twelve?? I get the radical personality switch but that belief is a core part of the doctor. or at least I THOUGHT#thirteenth doctor#doctor who#I still love all of you who love her and reading ur posts/fics but I. will not be making any myself. I do not think.
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